Save a Glass of Wine and a Dance for Me

Early morning on Friday, September 8th, 2017, my older sister Michelle Lorang Nichterlein passed away after a courageous eight year battle with metastatic breast cancer. She left behind her husband Paul and two children Maya and Ty, along with hundreds of friends and family members that adored her.

I’ve been struggling to find words the past ten days. So, when I was asked to provide a eulogy at Michelle’s memorial celebration on Sunday, September 17th, I didn’t know exactly what I would say.

In the end, I did manage to put together my thoughts, and I’ve provided them verbatim as delivered, below.

Michelle was a beloved Mother, Wife, Daughter, Cousin, Aunt, Grand-daughter, Teacher, Colleague, Friend, and Sister.

But to me, she was simply “Big Sis” and I was her “Lil’ Bro.”

When we were growing up, I remember vividly the following things about Michelle:

Her deep love for

• Monster Trucks
• Dolphins, The Beach, & The Ocean
• Country Music
• Synchronized Swimming
• Her Friends & Family

But when I try to unpack my memory of those things, it’s the small moments that stand out that I remember.

As Maya Angelou remarked:

“people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

And in all of those moments, there is some feeling that is unshakable and unwavering — some emotion I hold for that moment, and for Michelle.

• I remember a feeling of GRATITUDE the moment that Michelle used her lifeguarding skills to save my Dad (who can’t swim) while they were snorkeling in Mexico.
• I remember A feeling of ENVY during the moments when Michelle and her cousins Peggy Sue and Sherry Lynn would spend slumber parties at The Shacko in Montana.
• I remember a feeling of FREEDOM the moment a 14 year old Michelle received her driver’s permit and starting driving a 1976 Scout II — complete with a gun rack in the back!
• I remember a feeling of ADMIRATION the the moment Michelle graduated from Bozeman High School, and headed off East to the University of Delaware.
• I remember a feeling of WORLDLINESS during the moments when our family traveled around France together. Later, Michelle would study in Paris, which I thought was just about the coolest thing someone could do.
• I remember a feeling of JOY the moment I heard that Michelle got engaged — under the Eiffel tower — to Paul.
• I remember a feeling of PRIDE the moment that Michelle walked down the aisle on the beach in Kauai and married Paul — July 20th, 1999 –30 years after the moon landing — the one anniversary date I’ll be sure to never forget (other than my own, of course ;-)
• I remember a feeling of FAMILY the moment when Maya first was able to put an ornament on the Lorang Family Christmas Tree.
• I remember a feeling of FEAR the moment I was on business in Daytona Beach Airport, and Michelle called, to tell me me she had breast cancer.
• I remember a feeling of HOPE the moment when Ty arrived at Denver International airport from South Korea, to be embraced by his new family with a new beginning ahead.
• I remember a feeling of POSSIBILITY in the moment when we laughed, drank, danced and sang all night at that piano bar in Downtown Denver
• I remember a feeling of FAMILY in the moment when Michelle met my now-wife Sarah and immediately embraced her as a sister.
• I remember a feeling of REBIRTH in the moment when we heard the cancer had gone away, and Michelle had a second chance at life.
• I remember a feeling of ANGER in the moment we learned that the cancer had returned, and Michelle — in all her grace and class — hadn’t told me and Sarah in fear of upsetting our wedding.
• I remember a feeling of BROTHERHOOD in the special moments when Michelle held her nephew Greyson and niece Sophie in her arms for the first time as an Aunt.
• I remember a feeling of MORTALITY in the moments we shared at one on one dinners the past several years where we privately talked about the inevitable, the unthinkable scenario we both knew was coming — as only a brother and sister could.
• I remember a feeling of ESCAPE in the moments that the two of us shared at Denver Nuggets games over the years.
• I remember a feeling of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE every moment that Greyson would FaceTime Michelle, Maya and Ty to say hi to “MaiTai”, and I’d hear Michelle’s infectious giggle and she’d respond with “Hi Baby G!”
• I remember a feeling of FINALITY in the moment I said goodbye to Michelle in the hospital for the last time, after a courageous, eight year battle with cancer.

We don’t remember life in terms of days.

We remember life in terms of moments.

And a moment can change a day.

And a day can change a life.

Without question Michelle has changed my life in these moments.

And, it’s apparent from the hundreds of you that have shown up today, that she has changed hundreds, if not thousands of lives while she graced this Earth.

She was a special woman, full of toughness and grit, and I look to her for inspiration daily.

I think that this quote from author Mandy Hale sums up Michelle’s approach to life quite nicely:

“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”

I know that somewhere up in the sky, Michelle is synchronized swimming with dolphins in the morning, driving Monster Trucks on the beach in the afternoon, and drinking red wine while dancing to country music by the ocean moonlight.

Some day, I have no doubt we will all join her.

But for now, I vow to try and live every moment as she did, without knowing how far I have to go.

We love you Michelle. We miss you. Save a glass of wine and a dance for me.

Love, Your Lil’ Bro

P.S.

If you’re so inclined, there is a GoFundMe Campaign for Paul and his two children to help support Michelle’s wishes and help the family navigate the transition. Anything helps.